New shoes

This is my last day in the US - in fact, one of my last hours in the US - in fact, I should be packing right now instead of writing this post. Things have become far more "real" to me recently, and it's all happened quite quickly. Even two or three days ago, I didn't feel like I was about to leave. I watched a basketball game at VCU, I made chocolate chocolate chip cookies, I drank coffee at New World - I did all of these very normal things, and they felt okay. But today even the normal things feel abnormal. Church wasn't normal, because I found myself answering so many questions about Jordan. Lunch at Buffalo's wasn't normal, because I knew it was my last kickin' chicken wrap for four months. Ever since I started the pre-packing process, laying things out on the dining room table in preparation for packing them away, the regular things about my life have taken on a different flavor. It's like the unpacked bags are hanging over me.

This newfound awareness is unsettling. I'm not entirely sure how to feel about any of this. Of course I'm excited - people invariably talk about study abroad as one of the most rewarding experiences of their time at college. And of course I'm scared - I'm going to a nation that speaks a different language, and I'm going to study with a hundred complete strangers. Between those two extremes, I can also identify the sadness of leaving the ones I love, the happiness of trying new things, the shyness of meeting new people, and so much more.

I'm absolutely horrible at doing goodbyes. Flat-out terrible. But in the words of Semisonic, "every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." The only way that I can distract myself from the end of this winter break is to look very hard at the beginning of my spring semester and find something to celebrate. Usually I would mark the beginning of a new semester by buying a new box of pens or binder clips - I love office supplies - but I didn't think that those were quite fitting for this particular semester. So I bought something else to mark the occasion: shoes. A brand-spanking-new pair of shoes. Seriously, when I bought these at the store, the woman asked if I wanted to try them on. Nope. Until this morning, I had not put the shoes on, hadn't even unwrapped the laces. These are my Jordan shoes. I'm wearing them today, flying out to Jordan, and I'll wear them in May when I fly back. Perfectly white (and black) now, we'll see what they look like at the end of this semester, after four months of wear in Amman. My shoes will come a long way, too.