Hey, hey, hey!

I watched Fat Albert yesterday afternoon - the 2004 film version. For those of you who haven't seen it, you haven't missed much of anything at all. It's simple and silly and unrealistic; it portrays American culture in a very artificial way. Which is what I found most interesting about it. I couldn't quit laughing - not because it was funny, but because I was looking at it from a new vantage point: that of a foreigner trying to understand American culture. Look at anything in the entertainment media. It's hilarious.

This started a few weeks ago when my host family asked what kind of house I lived in. We live here in the bottom floor of a building that has several families in it. I described the North Carolinian suburbs, with green lawns (okay, ours is mostly brown now, but that's irrelevant) and concrete curbs, two-car garages and wood siding. Their question, after this description: So do you live in a house like Desperate Housewives?

Well, not quite. But if those are the American houses that you've seen, then those are the houses you think Americans live in. Likewise, when Fat Albert and his friends tried to find friends for the protagonist, Doris, they approached the most popular girls in school - the evil, class-prejudiced cheerleaders. And Rasha asked me, "Are all cheerleaders really mean?" Some yes, some no. There are also nice marching band members and mean marching band members, nice Brain Game contestants and mean ones. Cheerleaders aren't innately rude, inherently beautiful, or infallibly popular. And they don't wear their uniforms 24/7. And as for that classroom: no, American high schools do not have Macbooks on every desk. Sorry. There's a wheeled cart that has a dozen old Lenovos, and teachers can rent it out for a day. Have fun.

All this made me think about Middle Eastern culture from the American perspective. What have we seen, and how much of it is true? Let's start with the rather obvious: it doesn't look like Aladdin. I'm sorry to dash some childhood dreams there. Yes, my family has a lamp that looks like Genie's, but it burns incense and refuses to produce genies. Likewise, the carpets in my house do not fly, and I have yet to see a sultan or a vizier, let alone a monkey in a fez.

What else? What else characterizes the Western picture of the Middle East?

Bedouins: Yes, we have them, but no, I haven't seen them. Stay tuned in late April for more on that subject.

Turbans: I think I've seen one, maybe. Once.

Shoes that point up at the ends: Actually, a lot of the shoes here do curve up a bit in the toe. Not nearly as much as the shoes that my Jasmine Barbie had, but a little something.

Dust: Yes.

Men with big fat bellies lying around and doing nothing: Much less so than in America.

Women belly-dancing in sheer garments: Never. Fashion trends here include the hijab (headscarf) and jelbab (floor-length long-sleeved dress). Jasmine Barbie would be so haram (taboo).

Camels: Stay tuned for late April. I did see some being herded across the desert today, but that's another story.

Dirty dusty roads: At least in Amman, it's asphalt all the way, with the notable exception of the cobblestones on Rainbow Street.

Narrow streets: They're a sometimes thing. Queen Rania Street? I'd call it six lanes, but it might actually only be marked for four, and I've definitely seen it used for closer to eight. Similar notes for Gardens Street and others. But that's West Amman. Get to the older parts of downtown and you'll definitely see the winding streets and hole-in-the-wall shops.

No trees: This is completely what I thought before coming here, too. Yes and no. If you take a gander at the Googlemaps satellite image of Amman, two greenish spots might stand out to you: Raghadan Palace and the University of Jordan. The rest is pretty much treeless.

Danger: Another big yes and no. Really big.

American movies and television have criminals and gangsters and gunshots and murders all over the place. But that's not what America is like. Mostly. There are still criminals and gangsters and gunshots and murders - but less than television might believe you to think. Likewise with violence in the Middle East. Jordan hasn't had a significant bombing since 2005. The Jordanian government works incredibly hard to keep things peaceful. There are soldiers and tourist police everywhere, more as a deterrent than anything else. I feel safe here. Whenever shopkeepers or taxi drivers find out that my classmates and I are Americans, the reaction is invariably somewhere between warm and ecstatic. Those who pursue the conversation into the realm of American politics might have a few sharp words about some past presidents... or president... but they're friendly to individual Americans. I know it's not what you might expect.

Sometimes you see men wearing long white robes and red-and-white keffiyehs, and sometimes you see them wearing suits.

Sometimes the ground is covered in scrub brush, and sometimes it's covered in trees, and sometimes it's covered in asphalt and concrete.

Some cheerleaders are mean, and some cheerleaders are nice.

There's always a little bit more to see, and a little bit deeper to look.